Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Lost my phone on the Bart. Rather, I left my phone on the Bart. That was two days ago. Today and right now I'm sitting on Tali's floor listening to a CD I made from Omar's music library for Laura and I to enjoy. However, Laura is at work and is not enjoying it with me. I have a smoke and alcohol hang over from last night. Not to mention that stuffy and nauseating feeling you get when you sleep too long. My shoulders are a little tense and my neck is stiff. This is all right now. Present life.

Everything we do, as people, effects the way we think, speak, and live.  I don't want to write like I'm teaching a lesson or writing this out for someone. This feeling of someone "looking over my shoulder" has made it hard to write, think, or do anything without feeling judged. But why should I care? I'm judged every day in every way. Whether it be my girlfriend or my peers. Someone is creating there own summary of my being on a daily basis. I also can create and deal judgement.

With growth comes transition. I'm facing a time of reflection. In everything I do I see two faces. I reflect on this. I feel selfish most of the time and it haunts me. A ghost hanging over my head. I feel guilt. I feel shame. And I turn to the mirrors of life on Earth and reflect, "that's life."

This is what happens when you're alive. You face the foundation of self which you have made and judge every decision you've made, every face you've spoken to, every word you said. This can turn on you or it can work in your favor. However you use it is yours to choose.

I've been living like I'm dead. But there's a difference between dead and dying. Live everyday like there's no tomorrow... Words I could benefit from. Is it wrong to believe that there will be a tomorrow? We could never know for sure. There could be no today. It could be a constant "then." Maybe there is no "now." We live in universes of our own. These universes are influences of other universes bumping into one another each constantly growing outward or shriveling inward. Often one's universe will push and pull to the limits of one's psyche but, our forever expanding and capable minds were designed to overcome such obstacles with a sense of ease. It's not easy being human. It's not easy dealing with other humans either.

Art makes me happy. Music makes me sad. I try to find a balance. Love makes me lust. Lust makes me love. Positive makes me negative and negative makes me positive. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger. We're all actors here playing our part. We are mirrors bouncing off of one another. We are all children still starry eyed and innocent. We are prisoners guilty of original sin. We are advanced machines. So advanced, so curious, and so bored that we have to create little machines to keep us entertained. It's said we only use 10% of our brain. Who knows what the percentage has dropped to now that memory is something built into a microchip. My brain can distinguish shapes, colors, sounds, smells, and textures. This is wrought through an intricate systematic web of sensors called "nerves." These nerves tell me that I'm feeling pain or ecstasy.  These sensors are built into my human skin and are protected. My brain knows the name of hundreds of people know and people I never met. Celebrities, dead historical figures, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, friends of friends. My brain can count, add, subtract, multiply, and divide numbers. My brain can sequence, pattern, and algorithm. My brain is sequence, pattern, and algorithm. The universe is sequence, pattern, and algorithm. Instead of saying that you can't or that you're not good enough say that you can and that you're overqualified. You'll never know until you try. The brain is a tool. A privilege. A gift. The ultimate computer. It only works if you let it work. So much time is spent preventing things from happening that nothing ever happens. Use your brain in ways that you've never thought you could. The thought alone bring new original ideas to mind that only you have control over. This is 100% yours. Unique. No copyright needed. It's yours. Take this. Run with it. Create a colony of people, beings, monsters, that know the true value of the mind and the acrobatics that it combats daily. Beings that can use the brain the manipulate the world around them. Being that are aware of the ultimate tools; brain, body, mind, and hands. With these tools you are naturally equipped to take on any endeavor. All you have to do is apply yourself. Say yes. Say no. Say what ever you want. It's your life, bend it.

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