Friday, November 14, 2014

Awkward Kids In Love

It's always awkward when I go over there.
"Why am I even here?" I often ask.
"For the beer." My glass responds
"And the weed!" says the bubbler.
A hot white cloud of "Ah..." escapes me.
Sure, sometimes there's a cute girl or two.
Often a good conversation about a cartoon
character or super hero or musical film.
I can usually count on one pretentious
friend who will succeed at draining any
and all enthusiasm from the activities of
the night. He's usually easy to point out.
Deep voice, white-man confidence, angular
face, and an impressive brain capacity.
"I drink Jim Beam Whiskey exclusively."
He says. "Oh give me a break..." rolls my eyes.
It was uncomfortable enough with Johnny's
fragility and suspicions  running all over the place.
But now he's moved to L.A. and the house is
too quiet without his boisterous air to fill the corners.
Still, his props and action figures echo about the shelf space.
This house host heartbreak. First Patrick and Madison
and their inevitable split, with Pats questionable lingering
eccentricity and Mads viking-woman-esque appeal. 
Madison, apparently was too mean for Patricks
flamboyant softness. And Pat was too nice for Mads mean.
I would think that a therapist like Pat would have all the
answers. Break-up and move on was the apparent correct
choice. Johnny and Marnie weren't a match made in Heaven,
but they had their cute moments, I'm sure. Though, 
I was never found of Marn calling Johnny a bitch
in front of his friends, no matter how playful. 
(I certainly wouldn't stand for it)
Their end was in sight, but not for all to see. 
Thus were the inner toils of John and Marnie.
Finally there's Rich and Maig, the match made in military.
Two pale Americans married soon enough yet too soon.
Cute couple until the comedy started.
Rich would open a routine whenever he liked,
Maig would melt in atrophy, patient and sickened.
I would listen, politely, calm, rapt. 
Fascinated with the near predictability of an
evolving romantic fiasco. "They're just kids..."
I start to think, "...just like me. And they want to love
and feel loved like anybody else. Awkwardly,
unconditionally, musically, intimately.
So, why do I come here?" I'm asking again,
taking another sip, exhaling a whiter haze. 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

(Too) Close

Sometimes I get so close to something,
So close I can taste it, smell it, feel it
This is the "good zone," a place where I feel confident
A place of Faith, where I can graze the skin of absoluteness
And then there's too close
Where the balance is offset
My calibrations are jumbled
All of my settings are undone
And I spiral inward to personal darkness
Like falling down my own throat
Sticking to the walls on my way down
That dark, tar speckled, vertical hall
Noisy with sour wind
Sour with vapors of half digested foods
What does the brain think of all this?
Yinka says our brains protect us from ourselves
Perhaps. Or definitely. Most likely...
This year has been a violent wave
Of being close, too close, and so very
far away. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

When Things Don't Work Out

When things don't work out
it feels terrible
Like getting silently rejected 
by a cute neighbor girl
who invited you on a hike 
via Facebook
Some things don't work out
and it's for the better.
Like when the cute neighbor girl 
who has retracted her invitation
is said to have herpes
then things aren't so bad.