We used to be friends
But you don't ask about me
You only talk about yourself
Walk amongst yourself
Take everything for yourself
Its you you you
So have it all
Take all you want
It's free
And In the end
We're nothing
No hard feelings

Awkward Kids In Love

It's always awkward when I go over there.

"Why am I even here?" I often ask.

"For the beer." My glass responds

"And the weed!" says the bubbler.

A hot white cloud of "Ah..." escapes me.

Sure, sometimes there's a cute girl or two.

Often a good conversation about a cartoon

character or super hero or musical film.

I can usually count on one pretentious

friend who will succeed at draining any

and all enthusiasm from the activities of

the night. He's usually easy to point out.

Deep voice, white-man confidence, angular

face, and an impressive brain capacity.

"I drink Jim Beam Whiskey exclusively."

He says. "Oh give me a break..." rolls my eyes.

It was uncomfortable enough with Johnny's

fragility and suspicions  running all over the place.

But now he's moved to L.A. and the house is

too quiet without his boisterous air to fill the corners.

Still, his props and action figures echo about the shelf space.

This house host heartbreak. First Patrick and Madison

and their inevitable split, with Pats questionable lingering

eccentricity and Mads viking-woman-esque appeal. 

Madison, apparently was too mean for Patricks

flamboyant softness. And Pat was too nice for Mads mean.

I would think that a therapist like Pat would have all the

answers. Break-up and move on was the apparent correct

choice. Johnny and Marnie weren't a match made in Heaven,

but they had their cute moments, I'm sure. Though, 

I was never found of Marn calling Johnny a bitch

in front of his friends, no matter how playful. 

(I certainly wouldn't stand for it)

Their end was in sight, but not for all to see. 

Thus were the inner toils of John and Marnie.

Finally there's Rich and Maig, the match made in military.

Two pale Americans married soon enough yet too soon.

Cute couple until the comedy started.

Rich would open a routine whenever he liked,

Maig would melt in atrophy, patient and sickened.

I would listen, politely, calm, rapt. 

Fascinated with the near predictability of an

evolving romantic fiasco. "They're just kids..."

I start to think, "...just like me. And they want to love

and feel loved like anybody else. Awkwardly,

unconditionally, musically, intimately.

So, why do I come here?" I'm asking again,

taking another sip, exhaling a whiter haze. 

Wet Crimes

He floats his boat on criminal waters

Bragging incessantly about his endeavors. 

His craft is an intrusive spin on identity
and what it means to create and augment said identity.

His craft is a gateway to a dark, wet culture,
vibrant with misfits, street kids, vandals, and brilliance.

If life is guided by lines, he lives bounded to jagged contours,
shapeless shapes, and wild appendages frolicking across flat planes,
adding depth to dimension.

He has peers.
Faceless figures known only by colorful pseudonyms,
each as street worthy and damage hungry as the next. 

They travel in packs or all alone. 

They have a code, that you never pay for supplies.
That you do not support the system that you are debilitating.

That stealing is necessary.

That not stealing is a not a crime.

MB vs BC

What a cheeky bugger 

 I am not paying any attention whatsoever

it's Friday so who cares

and, in searching for that

I found the weirdest picture

 I think I've ever seen

 forward it

looks like it

maybe, kinda looks like it

yeah

(answered my own question)

he looks like a regular dude

on the beach

 the vinyl costs 30 lbs

that's heavy

It might change your mind

 It changed mine

but then again

 there has never been a good host

Kiss on the mouth, grab of the boob

 I religiously watch that show

because of him

but if you don't like him, you don't like him

though, he's a great host 

I almost feel like this is a practical joke

Prank on a Frank Day

Gag on a Fag

taken two ways

Con on a Jon

hurry the fuck up

 say that

I dare you

double dare in fact

but, I was on mute

you sure?

Guess again!

you heard, you read me

that's my line

I invented it

I had coffee again

can you  tell?

some would say it's a miracle

I'm getting it, alright....

 I bought some things I couldn't pass up this week

necessities/unnecessaries

the one with a fist on one side

 who could forget Big Gay Chris

he took us to his favorite sex shop

partly out of amusement

and partly out of amusement

it was like an elbow

the way it goes into the girl

That sounds painful...

I can't not tell anyone ever

it must be shared

this guy did the impossible

I took a melatonin last night

I keep a bottle by my bedside

thought I'd give it a go

it's the kind of thing you take it just every once in a while, 

it's probably ok

but when you take it every night

 its coming from somewhere else

stupid brain

oh my God

my dreams were intensely vivid

with no end in sight

i know

I would like you to tell me the very first thing that comes to mind

i haven't gotten the picture yet

well

 accidentally 

keep guessing

 the obvious function

is not it's purpose

like lifting weights with her lips

 popular as a bedroom toy

where is the moving part

to keep your mouth open

 I'm guessing

it has resistance

so she is supposed to bite

but come on

perfect way to end a skit

a three minute conversation about nothing

end

so I'm off the phone

copy if you can

I don't know, that's probably illegal

HIGHLY illegal

 it's above the law

 I'll give you three

above the Law...

yes, please

my new favorite number

not Friday anymore

the perfect day

That's the winner

what I would do for one of those

Would you kill a man?

depends on the man

he's probably cool

I mean

that could be me

two heads, hands up

Mr. Young

You're a hard hearted little boy

with a harsh and critical attitude

You whip your little yellow tongue

snapping out small, subtle insults

and poison the air

You'd like to think we're not similar

but, brother we are.

Though a canyon separates our cultures

we are bound by nature,

mother fucker.

Frankly, I don't like you much

and that's what I like about you

That you could care less and never more

keeping your nose up

while you look down

You dress as sharply as you speak

and sometimes just as colorfully

But I hear you mostly talk about

"Weak shit" and "rude shit"

and that is you

I heard you bragging about yourself

how you stay away from outer influence

yet you criticize how your brothers live

and offer your best advice

behind their backs (hypocrite)

I appreciate your existence

the gift of lessons you bring

that I was sort-of once like you

except taller, bigger,

and grateful of most things

Kind Like Kind

Kind are like kind

always searching outside

pulling in self projections

clustering like upon like 

Contenders

I see what you're doing

You've found something new

You're learning how to flip your craft on its ear

and explore new territory.

And I'm proud of you.

I'm proud for you.

I'm inspired.

I'm envious.

It's so easy for you to share your work

You can just send a photo and wah-lah.

You're getting the credit you deserve.

You're getting up and out on the streets

littering the walls with your creation.

It's brave, it really is.

Watching you has helped me expose my fears

and in that exposition my goals are revealed.

There is much I have to share.

There is much work I have to do.

We are very alike, yet so different.

We both want to succeed!

And I am proud of you for wanting that!

We are both contenders fighting a similar fight

in a world riddled with wars of varying nature.

I am doing my best to be a friend.

I am doing my best to grow.

There's so much I want to say,

so much anger and hypocrisy waiting to be exposed,

but things of that sort are better forgiven and half-forgotten.

Because no matter how angry I get, or how jealous I become,

I love you, I care about you, I've got your back.

This is my gift to you.

It's small, but like the passion you have in craft

and in creating envy, 

it grows.

Come on Strong

What did you think would happen?

You came in with a loose tongue, spitting

like a dog off a leash

carrying on about what you heard

I know, I know, I know, I know

I've heard it, heard it, heard it,

heard it all before

You know, you know, you know, you know

it's not worth it

but it hurts, so you like it

You didn't think it would happen

You placed a bet on the wrong hand, didn't you?

It was a long time coming

You fell fast face first on the cold, cold ground

You thought you knew it all

had it figured out from the start

Well, we've all come together now

do your best not to rip us apart

You come on strong

Like the wind before a storm

You come on strong

Like the waves beat down on the shore

You come on

Like the night before the dawn

You come on strong

Like the sound of fading away

Thinking Out Loud

"Oh shit...."

I said to myself

as light from cars passing outside

danced across the office wall,

"...she's turning 27 this year..."

a quick personal pause

"..that's so....fucked!"

laughter burst out of me.

Highway

Pouring down the dark highway

just moments before the coming dawn

softening up my waking senses

raising Cain inside my skull

freaked out on a glowing highway

absorbed in the neon lights

pink and green intoxicate me

raucous laughter and muddled behavior

indistinct and inebriated

glazed and high, you know it ain't nothing

compotation on carousals

lit and lush, now I want something

on a trip of sent consumption

tumultuous and turbulent

dry and flaky on the inside

sobering up like a wet sponge in the Sun

pictures of her under the table

plastered on the bathroom wall

all my memories come on doubled

I am steeped in nostalgic behavior

intemperate and rebellious

baked and bombed, I'm all night long

enraptured and exhilarated

tanked and fried, got my hands tied

If it's all a dream

I'm ending it now

It's a break in the clouds

hard light shining down

There's a tear in my eye

from sinus congestion

am I dead or alive?

Well, that's the question..

Slipping out of that saturation

She's the rhythm, she's the sound

I desire no separation

So I dig in deep and make my girl proud

I can't touch her, but I can feel

her sine waves are oscillating

wired to my instrument

my tool, my love, I'm never leaving

Rerun

He's a B-flat whole tone scale kind of guy

who wouldn't know it lest he tried

Never really touched the keys with feeling

until he pressed them next to me

He picked a grand D5 out of the list

A flabby kick, a tight snare, and ride

sequenced them with clever whim

laughing at this silly song

A few suggestions here and there like

subract the sounds as they rerun

shape the length of the pattern clip

and remember to press the song button

Flew the coop, leaving the nest behind

Sped up across the twenty-four

heard the call of our stomachs growl

Seeking provisions wrapped in flour

Lucid Games

Maybe you will change your mind

Waiting for the light to change

Something here doesn't feel right

You called me out of the blue

In the black of night

I stared at some images

they brought tears to my eyes

You were lying next to me

smiling like a wide eyed child

I was hidden in plain sight

locked behind an open door

Nothing feels quite like

when someone doesn't want

you anymore

Lately, everything around me

softly speaks your name

maybe it's my memories

playing lucid games

When you tried to call me

I ignored my phone

I saw the blinking,

heard the vibrating

Still, I left it alone

If I was by myself

I might have picked up

but I was out and with my friends

you were home and out of luck

Run Off

I get it, you want to see without seeing.
Or be close without being close.
You've extended your invisible reach,
and quietly secured your every security breech.

Small Treasures

With no pretence,
or formentioning,
only a smile like hers
could tear through a crowd.

Was I
blinded by the trail of lights,
deafened at the sound?
I was.

My eyes were not my own
drifting ever astray.
beauty gazed at me,
kisses flew from her lips.

Was I
numb to the rhythm,
intoxicated at the scent?
I was.

Perhaps I had it wrong,
could I be the one?
Almost naked in her stare
falling fast to no where.

Were there
little treasures in the air,
crystallizing on the tip of my tongue?
There were.

He's got a magnificent brain. In the silver-white gleam of the mirror on the passenger side, through his eyes, I could almost see his mind working. His eyes were busy with the city, scanning the tall stretching towers, the distant houses, the nearby cars. "What is he thinking?" I thought. He seemed to be entangled in enchantment as we drove nearer to our destination. Our friend, and driver, made jokes with us as we hurried off the freeway.

The drive up through the Berkeley Hills seemed endless in all respects; endlessly traveling through endless green, past endless trees and shrubs of endless sorts, 'neath an endless, and undisturbed, warm blue ceiling.

The parking lot was full, but not yet completely occupied, we found parking rather quickly. Other visiters were scattered about the park, each one more anxious and more pale than the next, I was a proud execption, tan and timid. The other hikers looked like money; polos, khaki shorts, baseball caps, sunglasses, sweaters tied loosely around waists', Newbalance shoes. I observed them with skeptical eyes. (incomplete)

Big Sur Pt. 1 - Arrival

Big Sur last weekend. Camped by the beach. Woke up to, and slumbered against, an infinite deep blue backdrop, crusted by a sharp and bold cliff side. Toward the North, a magnificent blade of hard Earth curved along the coast, and protruded outward toward the Sea. The East mountains, wise as ever, rested low, and climbed into the heavens, piercing the occasional thick white fog that solicited the shallow skies. The road vanished behind the campsites Southern grassy knolls. The marathon bicyclist and sports car fanatics were not shy to scurry by and by. The West was watery and delightfully wicked. In the morning, the Sea and her mate, the Sky, kept us warm beneath a thick blanket of cotton-like clouds. None would wake up to the busy Sun, for to do so would be to exist elsewhere, something I cared not for.

We arrived later than anticipated, around eleven a.m., and were excited to find an available camp space. At first, we were confident that all spaces had been seized, but after speaking with the Camp Official, we were reassured that there were two plots to our avail, and we hurried to occupy the first one we could find. The site was very close to the road, at first I was concerned by this, being that the road was immediately behind our camp space, and that we could see and hear cars passing by at all times of the day. My second concern was with the overall proximity of the camp spaces, our neighbors were very close and in plain sight! I thought this an obstacle for the expected mid-day and late night debauchery. None-the-less, we unpacked our tents and bags, and immediately began our tiny colony.

It was a popular location, and for good reason.The site, which boast about twenty-or-more camp spaces, was perfectly adjacent to the incredible ocean, which could be seen from any of the spaces. There were, however, better views of the ocean, certain spaces offered a more intimate setting, and would prove ideal for enjoying an uninterupted sunset from ones camp with ease. Ours however, was perfect for us. We picked a nice grassy spot, that had more space for leisure than any other site I observed. And our neighbors were as young and crazy as we, however, not nearly as mean and certainly not as cynical; we are a crude bunch, like a bowl colorful sour grapes, but also playful and nourishing.

The local wildlife made themselves known. Cheerful creatures of different sorts scampered around in the dirt, or grass. Black birds, blue-jays, robins, and other sorts would flutter by and grace us, often lurking nearby, hopping along, searching and waiting for discarded foods. Shaggy-tailed squirrels praced around the cars and BBQ pits with playful expression. A small hare chewed grass near the neighbors car. There were few insects, none that were bothersome, not even one timid mosquito.

 Once all was set up, we cooked, ate, smoked, and drank our way into a pleasant existence. We were well equipped with food, snacks, beers, and strange medications. I enjoyed a Corona and a smoke before retiring early to the tent for a mid-day nap.

Arcade

We were getting ready to play a show. I stumbled over the cables on the floor looking for my effects pedals. My long-haired band mate handed me one of my pedals and another cable. I was surprised that he had brought this equipment with him along with some other effects resting in a back pack alongside the bass guitar and guitar stand. We were in a big acoustic building, something like a mall. Our bearded band mate laughed at something. His hair tied back and his outfit black, he wore a blue t-shirt underneath. We prepared ourselves for noise.

The bastard I once called a friend was sitting next to me. Foul air breathed through me as he laughed. I sat in the chair next to him mapping out the cracks in his face. He talked as if we had never stopped talking. "How can you be so naive?" I thought. He talked on and on about himself and the incredible life he's been living. I half-listened through one ear. As my head straightened and my vision narrowed a familiar form entered the room. Long dark hair draped against a yellow tank top and grey sweat pants. A female from my past swayed into my sight. She was careless and seductive. She came to me in this dream as she has in many, but this time her face was different. She spoke, but I heard not words. Transfixed by her beauty I watched her flutter around the living room. The bastard still smiling, his eyes fixed on her, invading my sight just as he had invaded my mind in the past. 

And somehow we were alone, the girl and I. Soft words were exchanged. Nothing was familiar about her face except her cheeks and her smile. "How could this be possible? Why have you changed?" Many questions ran through my mind, but no answers would occur. A mild heat rose between us. We were familiar on the floor. I had fallen to seduction as she crawled on top of me. We reminisced of the love we made many times before. I had her now on her back and I atop of her. She looked at me with that unfamiliar face and that haunting smile. She even turned her head to the left and looked away from with the same sadness to which I had become so keen. I wanted her. I wanted nothing more than to dive into her and to change the dream into the reality of shared nudity, but we remained clothed and flirtatious. She whispered, I challenged, the cards were put into place, but we would not embrace. It was now becoming more familiar to me and pressed against her warm flesh I sank into a deep sadness. The bastard returned and we separated. Guilt and justification hot in my blood. A wave of confusion swept over me and I returned to a blank space. 

Somehow, now in the bright acoustic building where once I might have played a small concert with my band mates I found myself in an arcade with a few friends. We exchanged paper dollars for coins and had at the machines. I shared my ten dollars in quarters with my short haired friend. He played some fighting game whilst the others played games of their own on either side of him. I disappeared to a separate part of the arcade and entered quarters for two players. "...get over here! The game is starting!" I shouted to my short haired friend. "Alright one sec. I'm still playing." was his response. The tiny clock was counting each second that we hesitated. Time ran short and I was hastened to play both defender and offender. My short haired friend too tied up in his own game to play mine. Disappointed, I walked away from my machine. Whether I finished or not, I can't remember. But, I didn't want to play by myself. What did I care anyway? It was only a few quarters. My wallet housed more paper money and I could use that to buy cheeseburgers later on. I watched the others play their games and I disappeared once again into a blank space.