Ok you've proved your love
I get it, you want me
Every phone call, every text message
You're torturing us both

Do you really want me to be your man?
I can be a tireless effort
But I can't tell if you actually understand
Or if you are just as selfish as me

You can kiss me, we can fuck
Perhaps somewhere in there make love
It's my head that isn't there
Nor here or anywhere

I get it, you're feeling guilt
You swallowed before you could taste it
Now there's a lump stuck in your throat
Choke it down with haste

For a while I felt guilt
It lingered in every blink
My legs were set to run far away
But I waited in disbelief

I saw your foggy eyes roll like little boulders down a mountain.
Your little shirt kept you subdued in an undercooked attitude.
And suddenly your love hit me like an immense truck.
And all our past began to pepper my thoughts.

Resist, resist, resist
How can I resist this?
How can I dismiss this resistance?
I am a dog
And I am looking directly at you
Because you're eating
And I want to eat too
I can smell the warm bread in your hands
The aroma of sweet meat between your teeth
I want it all for myself
Resistance.
I am a fog.
And I am hanging directly above you
I see you eating
And I want to eat you
You can smell the dampness in my folds
You can feel me tingling inside your nose
I will make you sick
With resistance.

Upon Waking

People are too concerned about people. So distracted are we by our differences that we've been overlooking our similarities.

So what makes us similar? What connects us to one another?

It is the Life Force. And the light force is driven by love.

These days, it seems people are afraid of love. Afraid to show compassion. Afraid to admit when they're wrong. Afraid to forgive. Afraid to say something. Afraid to do something.

Our world is riddled with fear. We are surrounded by signs that tell us "NO." We are fed prejudice and racism through advertisements and media. We have been conditioned; conditioned to live through a reality based on fear.

Fear of growing old.
Fear of having less.
Fear of being left behind.
Fear of being overlooked.
Fear of not being listened to.
Fear of being harmed.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of being honest.

Yes, it is dark.
But before there was light, there was darkness.
And before there was darkness, there was light.

Remember, your life experience is unique.
Remember that you are special.
Remember that you can do anything. Remember that you always have a family.
Remember you always have a home. Remember that you always have an opportunity to express love.
Remember to share your insights.
Remember to be honest.
Remember to share your best moments. Remember to listen.
Remember to learn.
Remember your personal standards.

Expect nothing - always be surprised.
Respect everything and everyone - this is a lifestyle.
Project your positives - make your happiness known.
Live through creativity.
Create new solutions.
Help others heal.
Be generous.
See the good in others.
Always be who you want to be.
Share and share often.
Teach what you've learned.
Show others how to improve.
Communicate effectively.
Be wise.
Be clever.
Be charming.

These are essential elements of the Life Force. When practiced and combined a certain energy is created.
I refer to this creation as positivity.

For every negative, there is a greater positive. And for every greater positive there is a greater negative. This is the balance of our universe.

What I find particularly beautiful about this arrangement of circumstance is the fact that positivity will always have the advantage.

And that is because all occurrences that we perceive to be negative or harmful are only moments away from leading each of us to something better, greater, and of healing.

So be concerned if you want. Delve into issues of race, territorial bounds, the rising cost of living, and gentrifications.

Or, create the life you want by maintaining focus on positive outcomes. Create by focusing on the good of today, of right now.
Sustain your ability to create and express love.

Your soul will thank you for it.
And you will thank your soul.

Fossils

She's still a mystery

  And on those rare occurrences

when fate guides our crossing paths

I fall silent in her eyes

and a thousand winds wrestle my spine

perhaps it is the peak of mountainous love

piercing upwards through the fog

or simply a strong nervous laugh

who got lost along the way

I admire her bravery

In living life and in love

images of her kiss

are imprinted in my thoughts

much like fossils

of our prehistoric love

On Becoming A Man

I have a need to be a man.

A tacit yearning to conquer the self

I have a need to be clean

in my body, in my spirit, in my mind.

I have a need to love the way I want to be loved

so that I wont feel alone

and that I may become whole

through the vitality of love.

Through a series of enlightenment

I now see much more clearly
that every strength, every weakness observed

is an observation on me. 

Every critical remark or thought

aimed in any one direction

reflects back directly on me. 

So I ask for forgiveness 

I ask for permission
that I may always be in motion

always moving towards brighter days

alive with brighter thoughts 

and emboldened with broader
considerations.

Awkward Kids In Love

It's always awkward when I go over there.

"Why am I even here?" I often ask.

"For the beer." My glass responds

"And the weed!" says the bubbler.

A hot white cloud of "Ah..." escapes me.

Sure, sometimes there's a cute girl or two.

Often a good conversation about a cartoon

character or super hero or musical film.

I can usually count on one pretentious

friend who will succeed at draining any

and all enthusiasm from the activities of

the night. He's usually easy to point out.

Deep voice, white-man confidence, angular

face, and an impressive brain capacity.

"I drink Jim Beam Whiskey exclusively."

He says. "Oh give me a break..." rolls my eyes.

It was uncomfortable enough with Johnny's

fragility and suspicions  running all over the place.

But now he's moved to L.A. and the house is

too quiet without his boisterous air to fill the corners.

Still, his props and action figures echo about the shelf space.

This house host heartbreak. First Patrick and Madison

and their inevitable split, with Pats questionable lingering

eccentricity and Mads viking-woman-esque appeal. 

Madison, apparently was too mean for Patricks

flamboyant softness. And Pat was too nice for Mads mean.

I would think that a therapist like Pat would have all the

answers. Break-up and move on was the apparent correct

choice. Johnny and Marnie weren't a match made in Heaven,

but they had their cute moments, I'm sure. Though, 

I was never found of Marn calling Johnny a bitch

in front of his friends, no matter how playful. 

(I certainly wouldn't stand for it)

Their end was in sight, but not for all to see. 

Thus were the inner toils of John and Marnie.

Finally there's Rich and Maig, the match made in military.

Two pale Americans married soon enough yet too soon.

Cute couple until the comedy started.

Rich would open a routine whenever he liked,

Maig would melt in atrophy, patient and sickened.

I would listen, politely, calm, rapt. 

Fascinated with the near predictability of an

evolving romantic fiasco. "They're just kids..."

I start to think, "...just like me. And they want to love

and feel loved like anybody else. Awkwardly,

unconditionally, musically, intimately.

So, why do I come here?" I'm asking again,

taking another sip, exhaling a whiter haze. 

Ring Finger

She speaks softly

trots gaily

and dances

like a wild horse

She is the closest

to me

She is the farthest

away

She's like a dream

so real

so strange

vanishing

If she scratched the sky

diamonds would rain

And should I be so lucky to catch one

firmly in my grasp

I would happily tie it tightly

round her ring finger

Trouble and You

What am I going to do without you?

where will I go?

You're like the cold of the mountain

beneath a blanket of snow

You say I'm fine and perfect

that you could drink me like wine

But I can't decant from what I'm feeling

the air is too thin

What can I say to melt the ice

gathered at your gate?

If my words turn to fire

then scoot close to me

I'll be the desert when 

you need to dry your running tears

I'll be the safest place to hide

when you need shelter from fear

Tell it like it is

Like it was

and will always be

Don't listen to your Mother

Don't listen to me

I'm trouble, yes it's true

and trouble is in love with you

You don't have to worry

if it's not in the cards

But if you get discouraged

I know, it gets hard

Call me when you want me

just don't wait too long

A good thing will always live

even when it's dead and gone

is it dead and gone?

Bakersfield

I cut my face leaving this city

on the sharpest words I think I ever did speak

Now, I don't mind apologies all the time

But I swear I'll never, ever say I'm sorry

We caught a lucky break on Valentines Day

I bought a two way ticket and a hotel where we could stay

Meet me here in Bakersfield, halfway

We could settle down and talk the day away

With no self control,

no question why,

no giving up, 

no saying goodbye

no reason to ever stop

loving you

A stranger called on the telephone

it was a dirty prank played by a local boy

Nothing here interest me except you, my dear

So lets pack our bags and never come back again

But we made love late into the morning

I watched you changing in the mirror

The teddy bear I bought was tossed in the corner

We spilled some red wine and caught it on camera

With no self control

no question why,

no giving up,

no saying goodbye

no reason to ever stop

loving you

No letting go, 

no nights alone

no kiss and run,

except with tongue

no reason to ever stop

loving you

Verses

I want to love you, but

I don't know what to do about it.

I want to you kiss you, but

I am so scared of the taste.

I want to tell you how

I've waited all these years to tell you, but

I don't bother cause you've

cut off both your ears.

I think about you when

I'm out drinking alone.

I start to day dream with

the pictures on my phone.

I think I need you.

I think I'm wrong.

I feel you moving, but

it's just you moving on.

I read your articles.

I read you mind.

I think about the bank where

you save up you're time.

I'm just a dreamer.

You're just a dream.

I think you love me, but

I'm caught up in the seems.

You want to reach out, but

you don't want to seem vulnerable.

You want your freedom, but

it comes at such great cost.

You want protection.

You want control.

You want the person who

can fill up all the holes.

You're always busy.

You're never home.

You only think of me

when you feel all alone.

You say you're right.

You probably are.

You feel so close, but I

push you way too far.

You never ask me

how I'm doing anymore.

You only assume

I'm the same as once before.

You say you're sorry.

I don't speak.

We're like a sad song

broken on endless repeat.

We're seven verses sung

in discord harmony.

A dissonance heard

by ears of likened hearts.

A major melody.

A minor chord.

The sweet resolve

led into a soft encore.

Hold On (We're Almost There)

(For the people of Bangladesh and the souls of their loved ones- safe passage)

Take cover

it's coming down crashing

the ceiling is coming undone

piece by piece it's falling apart

the walls are crushed

and ground into dust

It breaks my heart

Hold my hand in yours...

Deliver

us into salvation

Our bodies are given away

piece by piece we're all torn apart

our bones are crushed

and found in the dust

It's shakes my heart

Lord, my soul is torn

Don't worry

of who is to blame

the dark of the dawn has come

piece by piece we're taken apart

and sewn back up

bound by our trust

I place my heart

in the hands of yours

So hold on,

We're almost there..

We hold on,

We're almost there!

Take cover!

It's coming down crashing!

The ceiling is coming undone!

Mantra

I appreciate the body

I appreciate the mind

I appreciate the soul

and I appreciate time

Tiny Beast

It's not easy

but don't forget about it

just put it down

try again another lifetime

ages pass

the children get older

the new age

old propaganda

She's not tame

not like the other ones

a tiny beast

tramps on a small frame

I walked out

and slammed the door behind me

I stamped away

And shook the whole street

Kin

Maybe I should give up

trying to love you

maybe I should give up

calling you my kin

Am i so bad that you don't wanna know 

who I am

or who we are together?

If you choose to be

You will be alone

If you choose to be

You will be afraid

Does it hurt so bad when you look at me?

Of Who I resemble

Of Who I favor most?

Maybe I should give up

trying to look at you

Maybe I should give up

calling you at all

Round Corners

Is it enough to be a dreamer
a composer of realities
One that bends the lines
rounds corners and breaks light?

What is it to become the dream,
to personify a fantasy,
the walking image whom
manipulates its every angle?

The flesh of the imagination
is bound to the bones of perception
nourished by the blood of creativity
and courses through figurative vein

nails and hair become corrupt
growing and curling like nightmares
draping over and on beliefs and certainties
playing pretend at ones expense

trans-dimensional sketches
dance in poly-morphing rhythms asking
"Could a finite vision transcend
the perceptual walls of the unrefuted?"

It is felt as a sound
a knocking, pulsing vibration,
an oscillating electric punch,
the budding of a fiery orgasm

A broken chord plays whole notes
and dissonance emerges through the chroma
polished by smooth resolving concord
birthing temporary silences between silences

Hallucination stretches
proposing total faith in the immediately visible,
or a fear cloaked in the invisible,
perhaps the invisible cloaked in fear

There is something permanent in an idea
like a photograph, it can be seen
and like a memory, it can be photographed
half forgotten in a dusty index of pictures

Small Treasures

With no pretence,
or formentioning,
only a smile like hers
could tear through a crowd.

Was I
blinded by the trail of lights,
deafened at the sound?
I was.

My eyes were not my own
drifting ever astray.
beauty gazed at me,
kisses flew from her lips.

Was I
numb to the rhythm,
intoxicated at the scent?
I was.

Perhaps I had it wrong,
could I be the one?
Almost naked in her stare
falling fast to no where.

Were there
little treasures in the air,
crystallizing on the tip of my tongue?
There were.

Oscillovers

I think about how I saw her on the grass that night,
how she glowed in the dark,
and how she captured me when our eyes met.
We were like magnets,
bouncing off of each others positives.
And when we  spoke,
sharing nervous laughs and subtle gestures of curious nature,
I already knew.

You're a jagged edge
a smooth, and lovely cliff,
off of which, I am anxious
to dive.

You are the wind
the deafening, whisling,
screaming, amorphous whisper
absorbed.

Your hard heart will tear us apart.
Wrapped up in stone, laid in concrete

Stomping something fierce down the street

Your hard heart will tear us apart.