For Aaron

Aaron. My Dearest Cousin. You have given me much advice. Women. Money. How to treat my Mother. How to be a man. You've been a ghost-like Father to me, inadvertently. We've grown together, you more than me, in years.
Your mustang, blue and ageless across the freeway, would burn trails and ignite dust, a trailblazing howl of exhaust, roaring horses. You were limitless between those wheels. Lord, help me if you weren't the gears that powered the damn thing.

Something Real

Something real.. It feels like that's what I've been in search of for a while. Something real.. I don't even know what that means to me. I'm turning 21 and I'm nothing like I thought I'd be. Nowhere I thought I'd end up. 

"So how do you feel?"

I feel like I'm walking out of a reality check. As if I just climbed this big mountain of truths about myself and once I got to the top it stopped me. It shocked me. Made things a bit clearer for me. And now I'm climbing down this mount but, I haven't reached the bottom. 

"So what's down there?"

I don't know... It all seems like a big mystery. Do I move forward with this new reflection of myself or do I use this information to become the person I want to be and do the things I want to do?

"Tell me more..."

I'm constantly analyzing and over analyzing the world around me. Constantly thinking about what people think of me and/or are thinking of me. I'

I think about trees. Roots. Dirt. Leaves. Stems. Branches. Extending outward. Arms open and welcoming. They say "follow your heart. Run!" I step on their toes and they never complain. I pull off the leaves and they never pull back. I climb up and down. There's only me and my tree.

Rooted in me is hope.
I have faith that, if I put everything I have out there
something good will happen.
I have the power of an idea behind me
the ideas are in me
politely knocking on the walls of my skull
"anybody home?"
There is nothing more powerful than an idea.
When an idea is thought to be true
it becomes a belief.
Ideas are only Ideas.
Our heads make up the rest
little holes in the idea are filled with
imagination.
There is no limitation to an idea

I built a complex
towering high above my head
four walls were 

I can't rely on anyone to take care of me. No crying or whining or bitching and moaning.
I've got to take care of myself. My life, my love, and my health. All need help. I can help myself.
All this time living in my head.... too long. I'm seeing things differently.

I'm not perfect but at least I tried
I woke up to tell the truth and
in the evening lied.

Changes
Changes all around
Changes going up and down
I can't stand the sound of
Changes.

strage time going

On the Outside

baby it's cold outside
wont you let me in
begging on your window pane
i'm on the outside looking in

aint coming back

Don't say a word
Don't speak
Don't walk away
stay with me
I know I've been wrong
before
but you've been wrong too
haven't you?
Oh
She likes when the bed
isn't made
She loves when the song I wrote
doesn't play
She walks out the door as if
she ain't coming back
Is she coming back?
I don't know

Don't hold my hand
if you don't care
Don't kiss my lips
It isn't fair
If I can't make you happy
Who the hell can?
If I can't take your past and
burn it. I'll paint you a new
present.

The Days Are Good

I knew 2010 was a gonna be a good year. I felt it November. I don't know if you noticed but, the weather was amazing this last November. The skies were especially beautiful and the clouds brighter than ever. The weather had cooled down from the awful heat of last summer. November has always been my favorite month and I think last November has been my favorite thus far. These last few months have been better days and they keep getting better. I'm ready to face the challenges. I'm ready to have fun. I'm making it happened. The way I see it, in 2014 I'll be 25 and considerably successful. This is the uphill. I'm still climbing. It seems like every time I try to walk away from music I end up walking right back into it. It's a good thing.

I got accepted in to the Art Institute. Not to be confused with the Academy of Arts. I got accepted but, it seems like this time the cost outweighs the worth. I'm happy with that. This year is getting better by the minute. I feel good about it, like a rising sun. This is dawn. Time to shine some light and leave the darkness behind.






2011