Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Everything All the Time

I wouldn't call it a social network. In fact, I'd call it an artificial social networking tool. I'd call it crazy in a box but, that is, only if you have a mobile device that allows you to log in and check up every ten minutes. I'm talking about Facebook. Recently, I've been calling it FaceFuck. I have a Facebook. In the past I've used it frequently. By frequently, I mean I've found myself checking my page 30+ times a day from my phone (or portable computing device) for notifications, messages, friend-request, updates, etc... The amount of hours I've wasted on this site makes me shake my head in embarassment. Frankly, I'm ashamed with myself. Facebook: The mighty outside influence.

How many times a day do you look into the mirror or see a reflection of yourself? Can you pass by a glass window without staring at yourself? I haven't been able to. I've become incredibly vain... I'm soaking in self delusion. I feel that I managed to find an addiction to Facebook. My eyes are ruined because I've spent countless hours starting at the small three by two inch screen on my phone at all hours of the night and day, sometimes only inches from my face. My eyes are strained when I go outside in the daytime, I find it hard to look straight up. I've been forcing my eyes to see clearly at night. I don't think hope is lost for my eyes, I think only that I need to lay off the back-lit screens for a while.

Through personal observation, I've found FB to cause more of a social distortion than a network. Does one really need to know what all of his/her friends are doing all at once? I've felt left out. I've felt unpopular, unloved, and forgotten all because no one commented on my status. Stupid, right? I don't want or need my  current life summed up on a computer screen. I want my friends to ask me about my day, my week, my month, my year. I want to ask you too. I don't want you to read and assume. I want you to know and feel me for me. I want to feel you and know you. It's fake. Unreal. It's a world behind a glass window, in a little box, in the palm of your hand. It's so tempting. It's a woman in a blue dress dancing in disguise. What is she disguising? She's in disguise of cruel intention. You're not on FB because you want to know, you're on FB because you want to see. It's easy access to the personal life of efveryone else. What's more is you can be who ever you want to be!

I'm finding it hard not to be cross. For I feel I ruined the better parts of me by abusing a tool of vanity. I lost heart, mind, and a very important person in my life, all because I let my guard down and became confused. Had FB not been in my life, I think this last year and a half would have been different. It could have been better. But, FB isn't soley to blame. For I have realized that although speak in spite and I curse the name and nature of FB, I made the choices myself. I pushed the buttons. Click to send. I saw what I shouldn't have seen, read what I shouldn't have read, became what I didn't want to become. And now, regret with a lesson learned. Play with fire, you might get burned.

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