Saturday, July 4, 2009

Kaboom Pow Pow

Yesterday I took down all the posters in my room with the exception of one but, that was unintentional. The Iron Man poster is still tacked up on the wall behind my door with the Mardi Gras beads that Taylor brought home from New Orleans still hanging off of it. I don't mind it at all. The rest of my walls are bare. It's kind of nice actually. Not as overwhelming.

Anyhow, it's firework day. I'm supposed to be on a private boat tonight with some folks but, I haven't heard from anybody. Maybe I'll end up staying home. I'm leaving it up to you, fate.

I don't feel like expressing anything emotionally significant today. I just want to write.

Last night I stayed up until about 4am. Partially because I had slept through most of the day and couldn't sleep and partially because I was inspired to make a bunch of music. I might post some to youtube or something. I'm really happy with the composition of the sounds.

I kept thinking about how I was probably being forgotten about last night. How maybe everyone probably said, " Fuck him, he's a loser. He's nothing. You don't need him. Forget about him. Move on. There's other guys out there that are way better than him." And so on and so forth... My insecurities are through the roof right now, at an all time high. I know that I have royally messed things up between her and I. I know that it could take time to mend, if she wants to mend. I just feel really... really... really...

* Confused
* Insecure
* Angry
* Sad
* Small
* Detached

and on and on...

I need to get outta here.

Out of my head

Out of my mind

Out of this body

I gotta get outta here...

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